Prezly Writes

Happy New Year 2026, a bit late.

This new year began, for me, with new hopes.
I tried to plant seeds for my well-being, to do things differently, gently but deliberately.

I finally moved out of my old apartment, and that alone feels like a good thing.
I also ruined myself a little in the process, because furniture is expensive, but it is my first real apartment, and I am happy about it. It feels like a beginning.

I tried to hold on to my job, but my health is still playing games with me, and because of that, this year did not start smoothly. I do not know where I am going. I do not even know if I will still have a job by the end of it.

I tried to save money, but that becomes complicated when you have just moved out.

I tried to stop smoking too, but pressure has a way of finding its way back in.

Still, I believe this can be a good year.
Even if everything will not be perfect.
Even if nothing goes exactly as planned.
Even if I end up without a job.

If I had only one complaint about this year, it would be my health. I naively expected to feel better all of a sudden, simply because it was a new year, because of determination, because of willpower. But it does not work like that.

Most of the time, it makes me feel as though I am losing something, as if I am not fully present, not fully alive. And I do not even have the strength to be angry about it. Yet sometimes, it still breaks my heart.

So here is a new text for this year.
It may not sound positive, but it is honest.
It is simply how I feel right now.

Just Beneath the Blue

My ship is sinking,.
and I have nothing left to hold it back.
Yet the sea is not rough,
it is weary,
and its blue has faded,
as if exhausted by itself.
It mirrors me far too well.

I try to rise,
but something keeps pulling me downward.
Alone, I row,
toward a surface that does not want me.
In the depths,
I begin to lose myself.
There is not a single living fish,
and I feel myself thinning,
slowly dissolving into the water.

Soon,
I no longer recognize myself.
What am I now,
an object or a being,
human or debris?
I no longer have the strength to name it,
even less to feel it.
I know only one thing:
I am getting lost.

A ship passes by,
filled with singing people.
They do not see me,
and I am not waiting for them.
Still,
I am here,
just beneath the blue.
With them,
the sea grows restless,
and life resumes its course.

But there is a stain,
in the middle of it all,
too dark for the scenery.
So the sea presses me lower,
slowly,
pushing me further down,
to a place where I will not disturb the picture.

The pressure begins to build,
and oxygen grows scarce.
And then something awakens inside me.
A choice imposes itself,
to let myself float,
or to die.
But I no longer remember why.

At the end…

Still, I know I will rise out of the blue.
Not to return to what once was, but to reach my own place,
where my rhythm matters, where I am allowed to move at my own pace,
and where I stand a chance.